Speaking to My Heart

I discovered this song about 2 weeks ago and immediately it spoke to me. It takes me back to the time when Caleb was born and through our journey in the NICU. I just wanted to share it.


"Never Once"

Standing on this mountaintop
Looking just how far we’ve come
Knowing that for every step
You were with us

Kneeling on this battle ground
Seeing just how much You’ve done
Knowing every victory
Was Your power in us

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Kneeling on this battle ground
Seeing just how much You’ve done
Knowing every victory
Was Your power in us

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Never once did we ever walk alone
Carried by Your constant grace
Held within Your perfect peace
Never once, no, we never walk alone

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Every step we are breathing in Your grace
Evermore we’ll be breathing out Your praise
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

A Silent Language

I struggle each day trying to figure what our son needs. I can't help but wonder if there is more I can do to help him comunicate with me. We read often & I have been attempting to teach him baby sign language for the last year. I try to be as consistent as I can because I beleive that is A key to raising children, but there are still only a hand full of things he signs back to me. We have successfully conquered Milk, dog, ball, please, thank you, and most recently drink. I have tried to learn the animal signs for the books we read most, but still there isn't any reciprication there. I know Caleb understand us when we speak to him, But I feel like there should be more words. I am curious if me teaching him signing is preventing his speech in some way. I guess that is a question for the new pediatrician. Don't get me wrong, I am thankful that he is communicating in the ways that he does. It's truly amazing to see him watch me for so long and then one day I ask him " can you say_____" and POOF he just does it. I don't want to be naive in thinking that there will not be anymore bumps to get over, since Caleb was born so early. Remembering when the Neonatologist came to me room that Friday, brings that reality back so freshly. He said there was a 60% chance our baby would survive, an 80% there would be some developmental issues and 25% of those being significant. And here we are 18 months later still unsure of what these next years will bring but I do believe he is a more amazing Miracle in so many ways. As I mentioned before in previous post, our son is a precious reminder of how much God loves us and what a Miracle worker He is. It seems like since his birth our life is sprinkled with situations that continuously remind me where we have come from. I seem to hear more and more about Micro preemies being born, there are movies that talk about 24 weekers like the movie I just watched- OctoberBaby. Even this weekend at church I was reminded by the music of how much God's peace was/is with me;how He is with me/us-Always. I want to elaborate a little more on this weekend, But I'll save it for the next post.

Change.....

I've never been good at change. For me that marks an opportunity to fail at something; it could be something small or big, but none the less it's a chance to fail. I've had so many opportunites to see that God is faithful and His plan for me is good and perfect. I need to work on remembering that everyday, since i have a living reminder of it in Caleb.

Since Caleb turned 1 in October, there have been so many new and exciting changes in our family.

1. Caleb is running all over the place now. He started walking in December and started running shortly after that (what and over achiever!)

2. The little surgery that we opted to have done went wonderfully!

3. He was offically dishcarged form physical therapy in Janurary since he's making all his milestone along with his peers. His therapist said he was one of the fastest micro-preemies she's seen catch up.

4. We moved!

I know that last one probably isn't a suprise for a lot of friends since I am writing this in our new home. God finally answereda long time prayer to move us closer to our family and friends. We diligently prayed for this for the last 5 years at least and now it has finally happened. Once a gain a reminder of how much God knows the desire s of my heart. I have had a few people comment on Caleb's story by way of this blog and I truly do hope that I can keep up with it and our new life. Each day as I watch my son do something new, or sign or say something new I am truly honored to be his mommy. I am so happy that I can chat about our stuggles with great friends who has toddlers nearly the same age. It's pure joy hearing about how our children develop and grow similarly, yet so differenly in their unique way. I am glad I am not the only one praying I don't fail my child in some way. I am glad I'm reminded that mistakes and failures are teachable moments that grow us and change us.

Happy Birthday Baby!

A year of memories is done,

Look at me I just turned 1!!!

Unexpected Anxiety

The day is coming that marks the anniversary since our unexpected journey with Caleb began. Even though, there is plenty to keep me busy with moving, plannng a micro birthday party, keeping up with Caleb, and cleaning I find myself reliving those moments. It seems that there are more times that my minds drifts off to "what I was doing last year on this day". Well it was a Sunday and I was helping host a very fun baby shower for a friend of mine. Then I become a little anxious thinking of what is to come on October 1st. It's wierd that I am anxious becasue God provided us with a very surreal sense of peace the ENTIRE time a
nd to feel anxiety now, just seems out of place. But I guess i can use those moments to remmeber how unbelievebly BLESSED we are to have Caleb with us.

Caleb's last visit to the doctor was a good one. He is 27 and three quatrers long and 20.5 pounds. He is already caught up on the growth charts for his actuall 11 month and and his adjusted 7.5 month age. We will plan to incorperate meats into his diet and will see the doc again in Janurary, when she said maybe we can look at introducing milk products. She is confident that Caleb will out grow whatever is keeping him on his high cost diet of broken down amino acids. As of now we were told that we should feed Caleb according to his adjusted age of 7.5 months becasue his digestive tract is still maturing at that rate. I know many people ask about the age difference and it's funny how some

times it matters to one doc and not the next. Caleb is still belly crawling & getting faster and faster each day. He crawls a little on his hands and knees but realizes that it's better for his speend to be on his belly.

If you would like to read Caleb's story you can start it here.

Moving Forward...literally

We went to the regular Ophthalmologist yesterday to see how Caleb's eyes are doing and to check his vision. This eye doctor differs than the ROP doctor because she is not looking just the ROP but the overall health of his eye. She said that Caleb was doing just perfect for his corrected age (7 months) and sees great. She did not want to see us back until he's 3 years old. It's hard to imagine that time will go by so quickly and we will be back before you know it. Our next visit to the ROP doctor is on October 3rd, for hopefully what will be our final send off. We have our last hearing test this afternoon and that will be one more specialist that we can cross off the list of having to see. Caleb has been doing so amazing the last several weeks. He has been learning to scoot around the floor and and getting quite good at it. Therapy has been such a huge blessing for him and I wish every child could benefit from having and extra set of eyes to look out for them. It's been a great bonding time for Caleb and I too since we practice at home. I have come to realize that so many people have a negative idea of therapy, and I wish that could change. There isn't anything wrong with it it's just a way to improve what you already have. He has been trying new foods as well and I think we have discovered he loves Cantaloupe. He gets this glazed look in his eyes and is off in his own little land when he's chewing on his teething net filled with cantaloupe. He's not a huge fan of those baby puffs or Cheerios, He grunts when he feels them on his tongue and acts as though he is gagging still. I guess it will take some time before he will learn to accommodate the new texture. He is a fan of celery though. Sometimes we let him chew on the stalk during dinner and he really enjoys that. We have estimated that he is just over 20 pounds or so and is becoming a little hard to handle for this tiny mommy. I saw this carrier that would be great to have. A lady at physical therapy let me try it out and boy was it comfy. You can see the carrier I'm talking about here. We've been planning a small get together for Caleb's Birthday with will be an owl theme in honor of my favorite time of the year and our little whoo. Just cake and Ice cream by the pool and a few friends to celebrate ALL that GOD has brought us through. October 5th will come sooner that I can realize and there is still more small projects for me to do to get ready. The word on the street is that Caleb's Grandmas might make a trip out to celebrate with us.... I hope they can because we'll have a HOOT together.

Fun times in California!

I wish they all could be California BOYS!!!!!

Caleb took his first trip on a plane to visit his friends and family in California. Here are some pictures of the fun he had while we were there. Since our arrival home Caleb received his 2nd tooth which is fully in now. He has been doing quite well with eating an array of veggies a fruits. His favorites are apple, peas, and sweet potatoes..who could blame the little guy?

His therapy sesions are going well and he is all but crawling....scooting and schimming all over the place. As Ryan and I watch this little miracle grow into a strong and determined little boy there are so many memoires that flood our minds and emotions that overpower our heart. I hardly can't belive that the day he was born he was only 1LB 10 oz and now on the cusp of what I'm guessing is 20Lbs. We really are so honored to be his mommy and daddy. I have been telling Caleb his birth story (kid friendly..of course) but I have yet to find the right version. One day i woudl really like to maybe write it down and have it made into a kids book. what do you think?

California Fun!